"Do you know what the secret of life is?" asks Curly (Jack Palance) in the old movie, City Slickers. He answers his own question "find your one thing" and stick to it; the rest is meaningless. (The actual dialogue is more ...colorful.)
I figured that Bill knew the secret and had found his one thing. Bill is an active member of my Rotary club. His eyes shine with interest, humor, curiosity. His smile is easy and authentic. When I cornered him at Caffe Mela, he was open and clear about what the good life was for him. As it turned out it was four things, but they seemed one to him.
Bill easily expands on all four things with gusto. He has meaningful work (helping people with multiple handicaps) that he's good at and that challenges him. He loves his family and parenting his two children. He's comfortable with his faith. He enjoys being a Rotarian service club member. For him it's all connected through living the golden rule - looking beyond self.
Bill's lucidity came through an epiphany.
We often think of epiphanies as profound "aha's" - deep insights which are difficult to describe to others. People experiencing epiphanies seem to suddenly see how the whole puzzle fits together. They gain an enlightened perspective which allows them to make large leaps. They are able to perceive what is truly essential, significant, and meaningful.
Often epiphanies are thought of as sudden flashes, but Bill's revelation took about a year.
He began to ask himself big questions about life after being diagnosed with a terminal illness. He wanted to examine what was truly important to him. He evaluated whether he should make some changes.
As Bill looked as his work, his relationships with his family, his faith, and his service to humanity, he could hardly believe that he was exactly where he wanted to be. He was shocked. He thought he was striving to get to the next place, but in reality he had already arrived.
Bill's says he knew he had those four things, but he just "didn't get it." He was happy!
Bill says with a twinkle in his eyes, "I'm in constant pain, going to die, and I'm happy. How damn lucky am I?"
And Bill really IS happy, has found answers, and DOES feel lucky (his demise seems to be indefinitely on hold, however, he's been cancer free for over five years).
I really envied Bill's breakthrough, but I wasn't too keen on his process. Even though life's answers to the big questions may be in front of us, must we have a terminal illness to understand them?
Many psychologists I have since queried seem to think that profound insights often do come at critical moments in life although many people experience crises and receive no revelations. Traumas and big life upsets are simply opportunities for deep awareness and growth.
Crises jerk us to attention. We have a special receptivity to staying engaged with big questions and answers. Our storytellers seem to agree. Think of Ebeneezer Scrooge and George Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life.
Most of us would opt for less traumatic ways of learning the secrets of life. After perusing much of the epiphany related literature, I have a few ideas that might work and even if they don’t, could be interesting and fun (also useful if you ARE having a crisis).
Most of us would opt for less traumatic ways of learning the secrets of life. After perusing much of the epiphany related literature, I have a few ideas that might work and even if they don't, could be interesting and fun (also useful if you ARE having a crisis).
Mark out twenty minutes each day during December to engage by yourself with The Big Questions, such as: "What's really important?"
During that time write quickly without editing for five minutes whatever comes to your mind. Then set your timer for ten minutes and close your eyes. Meditate, pray, or gaze at something pleasing in nature. Afterwards take five more minutes to write any impressions you felt. Don't worry if nothing happened, just relax, and enjoy yourself.
Take frequent walks in nature. The Riverwalk is great for this. Specifically look at the mountains, the river, and the sky. Go out and look at the stars at night. Ask yourself, "What's really important?"
Look to others for insights. Leavenworth Summer Theatre will be presenting "It's a Wonderful Life." "Miracle on 34th Street" can be rented. Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, is easily found at the library. After watching and reading whatever material you choose, discuss your question with others.
Especially look for people like Bill. Invite them to coffee. Talk about your big question, your process, and your answers with each other.
Socrates is quoted as saying, "the life which is unexamined is not worth living...the greatest good of a man is daily to converse about virtue." December isn't just about cooking, cleaning, and shopping, it's really the perfect month for asking big questions and receiving epiphanies.
This holiday season, how might you move up to The Good Life by asking big questions?
Nick Winters
16. January, 2012 | #